“The cure for loneliness is connection—not just to others, but to yourself.” – Unknown

 

While few of us like to admit it, we all feel lonely sometimes…it’s part of the human experience.

It often happens after a break-up, a move or retirement, or the loss of someone dear…we look around, notice the empty space, hear the pounding silence…and suddenly feel alone.

And not the good kind of alone (the kind where you love having your freedom and time to yourself). But the ugly kind of alone…the kind where you feel separated from everything and everyone, lost at sea.

Loneliness is that aching longing in our heart for someone to talk to. To spend time with. To laugh with. To hug. To share experiences and day-to-day life with. Someone who cares how your day went, supports you when you’re down, and celebrates you when you have good news to share.

It’s a feeling that most of us experience at some point in our lives, but for single people, loneliness can sometimes feel like a constant companion. But it’s not a life sentence—it’s a temporary state that we can address with awareness, self-compassion, and healthy action.

So let’s explore the causes of loneliness and practical solutions…

The loneliness “epidemic”

In recent years, media around the world have described loneliness as an “epidemic.” Recent studies suggest that loneliness is on the rise, with rates of loneliness doubling in the U.S. in the past 50 years. According to Cigna’s U.S. Loneliness Index (May 2018), almost half of the 20,000 respondents reported feeling alone, left out, and isolated.

So if you’ve been feeling alone, you’re not alone.

Loneliness in and of itself isn’t a problem…it’s a normal human emotion that is usually temporary and will pass. But when loneliness becomes a chronic state, that’s when both mental and physical health problems arise.

Loneliness has been linked to an increased risk of:

• • depression
  • anxiety
  • irritability
  • suicide
  • heart attack
  • stroke
  • dementia

According to the CBC:

“Chronic loneliness is as harmful to your health as smoking 15 cigarettes a day. Loneliness is even more damaging to your body than obesity and diabetes, and has been linked to high blood pressure, dementia and premature death.”

But don’t hit the panic button if you’re feeling lonely…loneliness is simply an indicator that something needs to change for you. The real message here is to do something about it so that it doesn’t become a chronic condition that negatively impacts your health and wellbeing.

Causes of loneliness

It seems ironic that loneliness is on the rise, since digitally, we are more connected than ever before.

So what’s causing this trend?

Here’s what some of the most recent studies suggest:

• • social isolation (when a person has a restricted social network and limited social contact – e.g. a senior living in a nursing home, a student living away from home, a single mom living alone, an entrepreneur working alone, someone who recently moved to a new city)
  • social anxiety, poor social skills, low self-esteem, or insecure attachment behaviours
  • working too much (which results in less time to spend doing social activities)
  • more people living alone (40% of US households are now single-person households)*
  • the rise of social media (which may mean that people spend less time socializing in person)**

*It’s important to note that living alone does not necessarily lead to loneliness. Many single people are happy living alone, especially those with well-developed social networks. And we all know you can live with people and still feel lonely. The issue is more when people don’t want to be living alone.

**It’s interesting to note that the Cigna Loneliness Index found that social media use was not a significant factor in loneliness. However, other studies show that the more time people spend on social media (more than two hours/day), the more likely they will feel socially isolated. Conversely, those who logged on for half an hour a day felt less lonely. Which makes sense…social media can be a great tool for connecting with others and feeling less isolated when used in moderation. But if you’re spending hours a day on your phone, you are likely avoiding socializing in person. So balance is key!

I’d also like to suggest 3 other causes not discussed in studies…

1. Spiritual loneliness. Spiritual loneliness means feeling disconnected from a higher power or source energy (by whatever name you choose to call it…God, Allah, Great Spirit, the Universe, Source, etc.). It’s like running on a battery with no power source to plug into to recharge.

2. Disconnection from ourselves. This means not being comfortable with who we are and enjoying our own company. It’s caused by focusing on our human failings and flaws, and forgetting our spiritual nature (that part of us that is powerful and can rise above anything).

3. Being with the wrong people. As the short version of the Ugly Duckling story goes, the Ugly Duckling is rejected and taunted by his peers, because he looks very different from them (and therefore “ugly”). Later, he discovers that the reason he didn’t fit in was because he was actually a swan, and had been trying to fit in where he didn’t belong.

I know I’ve experienced the Ugly Duckling phenomenon in my life, and often felt I didn’t fit in. And while I felt like there was something wrong with me, I simply wasn’t with the right community of people. So if you are also feeling like you don’t really fit in, it’s important to find your soul family…that group of people who accepts you as you are and feels like home.

Solutions to overcome loneliness

“You cannot be lonely if you like the person you’re alone with.” – Wayne Dyer

 

Ultimately, from my professional experience, loneliness results from 3 things:

1. 1. Disconnection from self – not knowing, appreciating and valuing who we really are
   2. Disconnection from source – not having a spiritual connection to the world outside us
   3. Disconnection from others – needing more and/or better-quality human connection

So it’s not surprising that the solutions to loneliness are also three-fold:

1. 1. Rediscovering who we are and building a healthy relationship with ourselves.
   2. Finding ways to connect spiritually.
   3. Finding suitable people to spend time with.

I’d like to note here that a mistake I see many single people making to “cure” their loneliness is to rush out to find a partner, often missing out on the valuable opportunity to build a relationship with themselves, with a wider social circle, and with their spiritual source first.

Romantic love is only one form of love…there are many others. You’ll be far better off in the end if you take some time on your own to get to know yourself better, and develop a high-quality social circle, rather than fling yourself in the arms of the wrong person to avoid feeling alone.

It’s also important to reframe what being “alone” means. Being single doesn’t mean you’re lacking. Happiness isn’t tied to a relationship status—it’s tied to self-fulfillment. There are many benefits to being single! Use your alone time to your advantage and focus on your personal growth, passions, and goals. Explore hobbies, travel solo, or dedicate time to a passion project.

Once you’re feeling solid in who you are, supported by the Universe, and connected with some good-quality friends, you’ll be able to take your time finding a romantic partner, and will be less likely to make a mistake because you’re rushing to fill a void.

Some healthier ways to relieve loneliness include:

• • Connecting with co-workers at work
  • Finding a community to be part of (school, church, volunteer, activist, social, online)
  • Joining social groups and attending events
  • Using social media in moderation to connect with others (not just aimlessly browsing)
  • Finding a way to connect spiritually (spiritual community, meditation, prayer, nature, volunteering)
  • Developing a healthy relationship with yourself (treating yourself like your own best friend)
  • Creating enough balance in your life (between work, friends and family, romantic partner, time for yourself, time to rest and recharge)

How to find your people

“Friendship improves happiness and abates misery, by doubling our joy and dividing our grief.” – Marcus Tullius Cicero

 

So how do you find like-minded people to interact with?

Community groups/events – One way is to look around your city/town for community groups and activities that resonate with you and join. Look at posters on bulletin boards, community newspapers, or ask around.

Volunteer organizations – Find an organization looking for volunteers and join. It’s a great way to meet new people, feel connected, and also feel a greater sense of purpose through giving back!

Meetup – Meetup.com is another great way of finding people with similar interests – it’s an online tool that lets you search for groups of people in your area who share a common interest in a certain type of activity. Once you join a few Meetup groups that interest you, you will be notified of events and can attend to meet people.

Facebook communities – Facebook groups are another way of finding friends around the world. You can join a local Facebook group, or a global group to find people with common interests to interact with online (these interactions can lead to friendships in real life too).

Create your own! – And finally, if you can’t find a group you like, create one! 🙂

Join us!

If you are a single woman who is looking for a warm, welcoming community, I invite you to join the two I have created (both are free):

• • Empowered Single Women – a Facebook group for single women around the world
  • Single Gals of Ottawa – a Meetup group for single women near Ottawa, Ontario, Canada

Final thoughts…

“Do not fear solitude. It is in the moments of silence that the soul grows.” – Unknown

 

If you’ve been feeling lonely, I’d like to leave you with these final thoughts:

• • Loneliness is normal. And it’s treatable. 🙂
  • When you feel lonely, sit with your feelings, acknowledge them, and allow them to pass. Then do something you love to shift your focus.
  • If you feel lonely a lot, reach out and find others to spend time with. You don’t have to be alone if you don’t want to be.
  • Finally, show interest in others…you’d be surprised how many people feel just as lonely as you!

Loneliness is a natural and temporary experience—it’s not a reflection of your worth or your future. By reframing your mindset, strengthening your connections, and nurturing your relationship with yourself and source, you can overcome loneliness and live a life full of love, purpose, and fulfillment.

Being single is not a limitation—it’s a season of possibility. Embrace it, grow through it, and watch as your world transforms in beautiful ways.

You are an amazing person and deserve to be surrounded by people who understand and support you. So keep looking until you find your community of swans!

xo Karen

Resources

See also:

• • Embracing solitude
  • It’s not a disease: The benefits of being single

Share your thoughts!

What do you do to overcome loneliness?