“Keep your face always toward the sunshine—and shadows will fall behind you.” — Walt Whitman

Let’s face it – the holiday season is not always candy canes and multi-coloured lights for everyone.

Many people struggle with feelings of loneliness, sadness and even despair at this time of year.

Maybe you’ve been through a break-up or divorce (or become an empty nester) and you’re on your own this year. Maybe you’ve lost a loved one or a beloved pet. Maybe you’re struggling with your health or finances. Or maybe you’re surrounded by people, but still feel lonely and blue.

Whatever the cause, it’s important to know that you’re not alone…and that there are ways to move through the difficult feelings you may be having.

So let’s look at where these feelings come from, and some simple strategies for beating the holiday blues…

Why so blue?

You may be wondering, why does this time of year trigger so many difficult emotions?

It’s really a combination of factors:

• • Media images, Hallmark movies, and Christmas songs tell us we “should” be feeling joyful.
  • The holiday season can be exhausting, with so much to do in a short period of time.
  • We have expectations of an idyllic family celebration, but … drunk Uncle Albert and persnickety Aunt Mabel may not meet those expectations. 😉
  • We may have memories of happier times with people who are now gone from our life.
  • Drinking spiked eggnog by yourself may not be what you asked Santa for.
  • The days are short and there’s less sunlight, which can cause Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD).
  • It’s the end of the year, and a natural time to reflect on whether our life is the way we want it (which sometimes, it just isn’t).

Moving through sadness and loneliness

So what can you do if you’re struggling with feelings of sadness and loneliness this holiday season?

Feel your feelings.Begin by acknowledging how you’re feeling, and not resisting it. Sit with your emotions, breathe deeply, and notice where they show up in your body. Give yourself permission to feel exactly what you’re feeling without judging yourself as being a Scrooge…it’s ok to not always be Hallmark happy. (For more on how to move through your feelings, please see Dealing with unruly emotions.)

Ask why.Reflect on why you feel this why – What previous memories are being triggered, and what is not meeting your current expectations?

Set an intention.Decide what you would prefer to feel and experience instead. Set the intention that you will make this Christmas feel better (even if it’s not everything you want).

Shift your perspective.Reflect on what’s still good in the present moment. Write down everything you feel grateful for in your life. (Even if things aren’t perfect, there still good things to appreciate.) When you focus your mind on what’s working instead of what’s not working, you’ll naturally start to feel better.

Take action.Decide what will make you feel better, and take action to create the best holiday experience you can for yourself.

Making the holidays brighter

So what will help you feel better this holiday season?

Often, the reason we feel awful is because we’re focusing on a closed door. We’re noticing that we can’t get what we want from a certain source (e.g. from the partner who left, the parent who died, the job that is no more, the child who is with our ex).

When we resist what is and focus on what we don’t want, it always feels awful. Instead, shift your focus to what you do want, to the options available to you.

For example, several years ago, I got tired of feeling blue at Christmas. I decided to make it more meaningful and fun by:

• • Creating some new special traditions with my kids
    • • Baking cookies for friends and service providers.
      • Driving around town to see the holiday lights.
      • Embracing winter by going downhill skiing.
      • Skating on a lighted woodland trail.
      • Going sledding and having hot chocolate.
      • Playing board games Christmas Eve while wearing new PJs.
      • Reflecting on our year, and what we were grateful for.
  • Hosting an “Ugly sweater, terrible gifts, horrible singing” party for my friends.
  • Inviting a few close friends into my home for Christmas dinner (creating the atmosphere of family and laughter I desired, and helping others feel less lonely too).
  • Donating to local and overseas families who have far less than we do at Christmas.
  • Taking a day off by myself on New Year’s Day, and going to the Nordic spa near my home to relax in hot tubs and saunas and plan my next year.

Other ideas you might enjoy include:

• • Making crafts, baked goods or gifts and giving them to friends, strangers, and homeless people.
  • Travelling to a place you’ve always wanted to go to.
  • Attending holiday MeetUp events.
  • Volunteering at a soup kitchen.
  • Doing random acts of kindness for strangers.
  • Phoning friends you’ve lost touch with.
  • Asking people who may also feel lonely to do something fun with you.
  • Having a Christmas movie marathon with a friend or family member.

I hope this sparks some ideas for you and helps you to create a more joyful holiday season.

Wishing you lots of love, joy and peace this holiday season.

xo Karen

Resources

If you’re really struggling, help is a phone call away:

9-8-8 Lifeline is a 24/7 phone support service in Canada that connects people who are struggling to cope with help, free of charge.

See also:

• • Winter wellness: Finding joy in colder months
  • 5 steps to jump-start your year
  • Dealing with unruly emotions: Tuning in, not checking out

Share your ideas

What traditions (new or old) make your holidays special? Please share…