“Between stimulus and response there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom.” — Viktor Frankl
We’ve all likely experienced moments when the world seems to tilt on its axis. Maybe it’s personal upheaval, maybe it’s global events, or maybe it’s that uniquely female experience of carrying both kinds at once, like two heavy bags of groceries we somehow manage to balance while also opening the front door.
Our bodies respond to these stressors before our minds can even name them. That’s the nervous system doing exactly what it was designed to do: protect us.
But in our modern world, where threats are often chronic and complex rather than immediate and physical, that protection can take a toll. Our bodies stay locked in fight, flight, freeze or fawn when what we need is presence and peace.
So how do we find our calm center when things are unstable around us?
Understanding our nervous system’s language
I’ve spent years researching human psychology, and I’ve come to believe that feeling better begins with self-compassion, and with understanding our biology. Your racing heart, shallow breathing, spinning thoughts—these aren’t character flaws or signs of weakness. They’re your nervous system speaking its language…loudly.
When we’re dysregulated, we’re not making a choice to feel overwhelmed—our autonomic nervous system is making that choice for us, based on a complex interplay of present circumstances, past experiences, and intergenerational patterns. The first step toward regulation isn’t fighting these responses…it’s recognizing them with gentle awareness.
Coming home to our bodies
“You cannot calm the storm, so stop trying. What you can do is calm yourself. The storm will pass.” — Timber Hawkeye
In my conversations with women who navigate extraordinary stress while maintaining their sense of center, I’ve noticed a common thread: they all practice returning to their bodies.
Here’s what that looks like in practical terms:
Name what’s happening. “I’m feeling overwhelmed right now” is a powerful sentence. Research shows that simply naming our emotions helps to regulate the limbic system. Naming how we feel allows us to witness and externalize it so it doesn’t consume and overwhelm us.
Slow your breath. Notice your breath. Is it high in your chest? Shallow? Fast? Observe without judgment. Then consciously slow it down, taking long deep breaths through your nose and long slow exhalations through your mouth.
Feel your feet. It sounds simple because it is. When anxiety pulls you into worrying about tomorrow, your feet are reliably present right here, right now. Press them into the floor. Notice the stability. This is grounding in its most literal form.
Engage your senses. Run your hands under cold water. Hold something soft. Smell something pleasant and familiar. Listen to the sound of birds. Study the colours in the room around you. These sensory inputs allow you to come back into the present moment, and signal safety to your nervous system.
Walk in nature. Walking allows you to clear the stress hormones from your body. And nature is calming and grounding, especially when we focus on the beauty all around us.
The collective wisdom of women
Women throughout history have intuitively known these regulation practices, often teaching them to each other informally. The grandmother who makes you warm soup. The mom who tells you to take a deep breath. The friend who makes you tea when you’re in crisis. The coworker who reminds you to step outside for five minutes when tensions are running high.
This is the wisdom of women’s bodies speaking across generations. We’ve always known how to come back to ourselves; sometimes we just need reminders, and permission to prioritize these practices.
Finding your regulation rituals
“Self-care is how you take your power back.” — Lalah Delia
Regulation isn’t one-size-fits-all. I encourage you to develop personal regulation rituals that speak to your specific nervous system:
For some women, movement is medicine—a brisk walk, gentle yoga, or even spontaneous dancing in the kitchen.
For others, connection regulates—a phone call with a friend who gets it, a hug from someone safe, or time with a pet.
Still others find regulation through creativity—journaling, drawing, gardening, cooking, or any activity that engages both hands and heart.
The key isn’t what you do; it’s the intentionality behind it. These aren’t escapes from reality…they’re ways of centering yourself to meet reality more fully.
The courage to rest in a world that rewards hustle
“Almost everything will work again if you unplug it for a few minutes, including you.” — Anne Lamott
Perhaps the most radical act in our dysregulated world is choosing to prioritize regulation. It takes courage to say, “My nervous system matters. My wellbeing matters. I cannot serve from an empty cup.”
This isn’t selfishness; it’s sustainability. It’s recognizing that your capacity to face the world’s challenges—whether personal or collective—depends on your ability to return to a regulated state after periods of stress.
In a culture that often rewards women for their capacity to endure, to push through, to “keep it all together,” the choice to tend to your nervous system is revolutionary. It’s saying, “I can find peace, even when the world around me is in pieces.”
Small moments, big impact
Thankfully, regulation doesn’t require week-long meditation retreats (though if you have access to those, awesome!). It can happen in small moments throughout your day:
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- Three deep breaths before answering an anxiety-provoking email.
- A moment of feeling your feet on the floor before entering a difficult conversation.
- The conscious choice to place a hand on your heart when reading distressing news.
These micro-moments of regulation accumulate. They build resilience, not by avoiding difficulty, but by teaching your nervous system that a return to balance is always possible.
The power of “both/and”
I believe in the power of “both/and.” We can be both aware of the world’s suffering AND aware of our nervous systems. We can be both politically engaged AND emotionally regulated. We can be both acknowledging hard truths AND creating moments of peace and joy.
This both/and approach isn’t about toxic positivity or spiritual bypassing. It’s about sustainable engagement with a complex world. It’s about being able to show up fully for what matters to you, including your own wellbeing.
So today, I invite you to take a deep breath. To feel your feet on the floor. To place a hand on your heart. To remember that your nervous system is doing exactly what it was designed to do, and that with practice and self-compassion, you can guide it back to balance.
The world needs your engagement, yes. But first, it needs your presence. And presence begins with a regulated nervous system.
xo Karen
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