“A mid-life crisis is not the end, but the beginning of a new chapter. It’s an opportunity to shed what no longer serves you and become more of who you were always meant to be.” ―Glennon Doyle

Somewhere around our 40s or 50s, many of us have the experience of suddenly questioning everything in our life…this is typically referred to as a “mid-life crisis.”

We wake up one day, look around at our life, and wonder how we got here. There’s a sense of surrealness, like being in a movie. We feel like the part we are playing no longer suits us. We want to be in a different movie, only we’re not sure which one.

And we want someone to give us some direction…only we’re the director of this movie.

What causes a mid-life crisis

This shift in perception is often brought on by a major life event, like:

• • Going through a break-up or divorce
  • Becoming an empty nester as the kids leave home
  • Facing a serious illness
  • Having a loved one die
  • Losing a job or changing careers
  • Hitting a milestone birthday

Regardless of the cause, it can suddenly feel like the floor has dropped out from beneath you and nothing is stable anymore. Everything you once knew about life, yourself and others has changed.

Some call this a mid-life crisis, but I prefer to call it a mid-life awakening.

Yes, everything can seem to be falling apart…but that’s usually because it wasn’t working the way it was. Or it was preventing you from becoming the person you’re meant to be.

When major life challenges happen, it’s an opportunity to look with fresh eyes at how your life is going…and to make any necessary changes.

Sleepwalking through life

My mid-life crisis happened early…I was in my 30s. I had created the life I thought would make me happy…I had a stable government job, a good husband, a house in the suburbs, and two kids. But I didn’t feel happy.

Without realizing it, I was acting out the part my parents had picked for me…their screenplay of what happiness meant. Get a stable job, get a spouse, have kids, get a house. Live comfortably ever after.

Not that anyone made me do anything—they didn’t. But I unconsciously made most of my choices based on the values of those around me and what was important to (or possible for) them. Not what was important to (or possible for) me.

No one told me growing up it was possible to have a career I loved, or even start a business! Or a relationship where I felt emotionally connected and valued. Or a life where I felt joyful and alive. These weren’t things anyone talked about, likely because my parents didn’t have them, so they couldn’t imagine anything more.

So like many people, I made safe choices. I shelved my dreams for what I really wanted, and chose a predictable path and safe life instead. A comfortable life. A life where I was bored.

A life where I did not feel authentically myself.

Most of us do this to some degree…we follow our parents’ and society’s expectations. We lose ourselves in our relationships, our children, our jobs. In the interest of playing it safe and pleasing others, we give up too much of who we really are as individuals. We no longer do the things we love.

We are sleepwalking through life, barely alive let alone awake.

The awakening

“The mid-life crisis is not a curse, but a blessing in disguise. It’s your chance to stop living for others and start living for yourself.” ―Maya Angelou

But at some point, we begin to wake up. We feel restless and dissatisfied. We sense there is something more.

It is at this point that we begin to realize that we are the director in our life’s movie. That we made the choices that got us to where we are (even if we made many of them unconsciously). And that we have the power and ability to make different choices now…to create a new role for ourselves and a new script, one we like a whole lot better.

There are tremendous benefits in consciously embracing this awakening process, including:

Increased self-awareness and authenticity: Going through a crisis invites deeper self-reflection, which can help you gain clarity on who you truly are, empowering you to live more authentically and shed external expectations.

Rediscovery of passions and interests: This period of change can inspire you to rediscover your hobbies, interests, and creative outlets, leading to deeper happiness and personal fulfillment.

Renewed sense of purpose and direction: A crisis is an opportunity to re-evaluate your goals, values, and the direction of your life, allowing you to make more meaningful choices.

Courage to make bold life changes: The upheaval of a mid-life crisis can give you the courage needed to make significant life changes, like changing careers, ending unfulfilling relationships, or pursuing long-held dreams.

Improved self-confidence: Going through challenges can foster greater self-acceptance and confidence in your abilities and worth.

Stronger relationships and boundaries: Self-reflection during this period can help you clarify your relationship needs and set healthier boundaries, leading to more meaningful and fulfilling connections with loved ones.

Renewed sense of adventure: This time often reignites a spirit of adventure and a willingness to take calculated risks, opening up new experiences and opportunities for personal growth and adventure.

I know for me, my mid-life awakening was the catalyst for ending an unhappy marriage, making new friends, leaving my government job, and starting a fulfilling coaching business. I am now following the script I wrote for myself, not someone else’s creation. And I am much happier and better in the role I’ve chosen…because I no longer need to act.

No one can define success for you…only you can do that. Choose to live life on your own terms, doing what you love to do, with people you love to be with. The more you become who you truly are and do what you most want to do, the happier you will feel.

Long story short, if you embrace the opportunity in front of you, a mid-life awakening can be a catalyst for positive transformation, self-discovery, and reclaiming your authentic self. (And if you need help with this process, reach out – as a love & empowerment coach for women, it’s my specialty!)

Resources

Here are some free resources you may find helpful in your awakening process:

• It’s not a disease: The benefits of being single (blog post)
• Loving without Losing: Attract the love of your life without losing yourself again (free training)
• Cracking the Code to Lasting Love: A self-assessment (free quiz)

Share your ideas

What did you learn about yourself from your mid-life awakening? Please share…