“The only real mistake is the one from which we learn nothing.” — Henry Ford
They say wisdom comes with age. I don’t know about you, but I’ve met young people who are very wise and older people who are…well, not so much. So I don’t believe that age alone determines wisdom.
I believe wisdom comes from experience…and more accurately, from reflecting on our experiences to see what we’ve learned, how we’ve grown, and what we need to do differently going forward.
So as I turn 50, I’d like to share 50 life lessons I’ve learned, that I wish I knew when I was younger…
Lessons about living our best life
“In the end, we only regret the chances we didn’t take.” — Lewis Carroll
1. Life is precious. None of us gets out of here alive, and none of us knows how many days we get. So it’s important to live each day fully, and take nothing (and no one) for granted. Take the trip, visit friends and family, and enjoy the sunset while you still can!
2. Pursue your dreams. In the end, people rarely regret trying and failing. They mostly regret not having tried at all. Go after your dreams now…don’t postpone them!
3. Courage is the antidote to fear. There will always be fear when we move outside our comfort zone. The way to gain the motivation to act is to tap into our courage…to be our bravest self and trust we’ll figure things out as we go.
4. Anything is possible. What we can imagine, we can create. Very little is truly impossible…it just hasn’t been done yet! Why not be the first?
5. We can have what we want (if we let go of control). When creating the life we want, we must focus our energy and attention on what we want and why, and leave the details (when, where, how) to the Universe to line up for us! When we try to control the details, we block the flow of energy and all the ways our desires can reach us easily and effortlessly.
6. Bet on yourself to win! So often, we don’t take risks or pursue goals because we’re betting on ourselves to lose. Why bet against ourselves? If we’re going to roll the dice in life, we might as well play to win!
7. There is a solution to everything. Or as I tell my kids, “This is a solvable problem.” But as Einstein reminds us, we must first get into the energy of the solution, and not stay focused on the frequency of the problem. Then we can find solutions that are truly win-win!
8. Heaven is not a physical location. Heaven is a state of being we experience when we create a life we feel joyful in, a life we don’t need to escape from.
9. We get what we believe. To radically change our life, we must look at our paradigm of beliefs and change them so they support the goals we’re working towards. Just like computers, we can’t install new desires (software) on top of outdated beliefs (operating systems).
10. We are powerful creators. We are divine beings capable of creating whatever we want in life. Once we accept this as true and harness our power, there is little we can’t achieve. (And when we act as a collective, our creative power is magnified!)
Lessons about overcoming challenges
“Experience is simply the name we give our mistakes.” — Oscar Wilde
11. Our past does not define our future. Past experiences only repeat when we don’t learn the lesson and keep replaying the same thoughts, emotions and behaviours as before, generating the same results. Change how you’re showing up to change what happens next.
12. Life is a cha cha, not a tango. Experiencing a setback doesn’t mean we’re failing…it means we’re learning, healing and growing.
13. When one door closes, another opens. Just don’t miss the open door by continuing to stubbornly bang on the one that is closed. (This happens often when relationships end.)
14. Big challenges bring great gifts. Our toughest experiences in life are our biggest teachers, and bring the greatest lessons and opportunities for growth. Look for the silver lining in each experience.
15. Resistance prolongs pain. When we resist experiencing pain from our challenges, we prolong it. By relaxing into acceptance of what is, we can face and release our emotions, allowing them to dissipate so we can regain our equilibrium and figure out what’s the next best step.
16. Death isn’t the final chapter. Death isn’t what we should fear…wasting our life being afraid is. Our physical body will eventually die, but our spirit will live on. There is life after death, so we don’t need to be afraid. And when we lose loved ones, we can still communicate with their spirit…they are not “gone.”
17. Listen to your gut. When something doesn’t feel right, it’s because it isn’t. Our intuition can pick up on far more information that our logical mind can. Trust what your body is telling you…even if you don’t have a logical explanation for why you feel that way.
18. Trust your heart. Over–thinking does not protect you. Anxiety simply robs you of the joy of the present moment, and paralyzes you from taking action to create change. Your heart knows the way forward.
19. Motivate yourself. Part of adulting is doing things we don’t “feel” like doing because we know it’s what needs to happen to get us to where we’re going. We can make it fun by adding in motivators (like upbeat music), support (like a coach or an accountability partner), and rewards (like a new outfit).
20. Life has seasons. Like the seasons, there is a time to create / expand / grow, and a time to retreat / rest / regenerate. Knowing which season of life we’re in makes everything easier!
Lessons about self-love
“You are not a drop in the ocean. You are the entire ocean in a drop.” — Rumi
21. Our healing is our responsibility. What happened in the past may not have been our fault (e.g. childhood trauma), but only we can do the work to heal and rise above our past experiences.
22. Emotions are meant to be felt. North American culture teaches us to suppress emotion (“suck it up”), which is fundamentally unhealthy. What we can’t feel we can’t heal. Emotions that are suppressed come back as mental illness, physical illness, or relationship problems. Far better to learn how to process, release and express emotions than to bottle them up.
23. Trust issues are about not trusting ourselves. Some people are trustworthy, and some are not. The key is learning to discern the difference, and to trust ourselves to make better choices. When we are confident in our ability to set boundaries, speak our truth, and leave when needed, we don’t need to fear others.
24. Self-abandonment is the worst kind. The biggest thing to fear in life isn’t losing others…it’s losing ourselves. If we abandon what makes us happy, healthy or joyful for another, we are paying too high a price to be in that relationship.
25. We deserve our own love. We are worthy of our own time, energy, attention, kindness, and love. We must learn to give to ourselves what we so freely give to others, and make our own wellbeing and happiness a true priority in our own lives.
26. Our body, mind and spirit are connected. If we neglect one, all suffer. We must carefully consider what we put into our bodies (food), our minds (ideas), and our spirits (energy).
27. We must recharge. We cannot go and go and go without stopping to rest…our bodies need to recharge regularly to function at peak capacity. And our mind and spirit need stillness to tune into source energy, creativity, and new ideas. (This lesson came to me after two painful adrenal burn-out experiences.)
28. Our voice matters. We are allowed to take up space. We are meant to be seen and heard. Someone needs to hear what we have to say.
29. Our life has meaning and value. Our value is not dependent on our occupation or salary or how much we do. We each have intrinsic value for who we are being, and for sharing our energy with others.
30. Celebrating ourselves is not bragging. Arrogance is saying we’re better than others. Confidence is saying we believe in ourselves, and are the best we can be! By celebrating what’s great about us, we reinforce the positive and feel motivated to keep going further!
Lessons about happiness
“The happiest people don’t have the best of everything; they make the best of everything.” — Unknown
31. Happiness is a choice. It’s not a result of external circumstances. It doesn’t come from getting everything you want or having no challenges. By choosing to focus on the positive aspects of life no matter what is happening, we can significantly increase our happiness. (Even when my loved ones were dying, I was still able to experience moments of peace and happiness.)
32. We can be happy single. Our culture conveys that we must be in a relationship to be happy, and that simply isn’t true. There are many gifts that come from being single, and I truly believe we are more likely to be happy in a relationship if we know how to be happy alone first.
33. Enjoy the ride. Accepting that life will include road bumps & detours allows us to appreciate the journey we’re on and enjoy the scenery at the pit stops along the way (rather than rushing to our final destination). Letting go of the need for things to go perfectly as planned allows us to enjoy life more.
34. Let go of comparison. Life is not a race or competition! Focusing on our own journey and achievements rather than comparing to others fosters self-acceptance and happiness.
35. What we focus on determines how we feel. If we feel bad, it’s because we’re focusing on what we don’t want, instead of what we do want. The simplest way to feel better is to shift our focus to what is already good (this is why gratitude journaling works so well – it gets us to focus on what we want more of). Practicing gratitude regularly fosters a sense of contentment and appreciation for what we have, enhancing our overall happiness.
36. Live in the moment. Practicing mindfulness and being present in our life helps us appreciate what’s right in front of us, reducing anxiety about the future and regrets about the past.
37. We are loveable the way we are. Some people won’t like us no matter what we do. By being 100% authentically ourselves, we’ll attract the people who genuinely like us, instead of a false version we created to please people.
38. Service to others boosts happiness. Helping others creates a sense of purpose and connection, elevating our mood and enhancing happiness for ourselves and others.
39. Joy is a state we can create. If we wait for something or someone to “make” us happy, that happiness can be taken away (or we can wait a very long time). When we learn what makes us feel joyful and alive and do those things every day, we generate our own happiness now.
40. Happiness is better shared. While it’s important to know how to be happy on our own first, sharing experiences and adventures with good people makes life sweeter!
Lessons about love & relationships
“A great relationship is about two things: First, appreciating the similarities, and second, respecting the differences.” — Unknown
41. We must consciously choose our inner circle. Too often, we let ourselves be chosen by others, instead of asking whether a person fits our life and is good for us. How do we know who is good for us? By how we feel when they’re around!
42. Quality over quantity is key in relationships. Being surrounded by a handful of supportive, positive people is more beneficial than having a large circle of acquaintances.
43. No one has the right to hurt us. It doesn’t matter if they’re a parent, partner, boss, friend or family member…we do not need to accept abusive or unkind behaviour from anyone, ever. We get to be sovereign over our own bodies and personal space.
44. Love creates. Fear destroys. Healthy love is based on trust, safety, mutual respect, generosity and creativity. Jealousy, control, abuse, guilt tripping and manipulation are all fear-based energy, which ultimately destroys relationships.
45. Hatred and distrust are projections of fear. Racism, misogyny, and homophobia are all projections of a person’s fear-based thinking onto others. We must talk to people who are different from us. When we learn about what we don’t understand, we’ll be less afraid.
46. We are more alike than we are different. We can have different experiences, cultures, or perspectives and still respect each other as human beings who all want love, peace, and happiness.
47. We can be assertive without being aggressive. We must avoid assuming the worst of everyone based on our past experiences, which leads us to express ourselves with undue anger. Instead, we must confidently express how we want to be treated, and give others the benefit of the doubt that they’ll respond positively.
48. Intimacy requires vulnerability. The more willing we are to share how we really feel and ask for what we really need, the deeper our relationships will be.
49. Difficult conversations create connection. It’s the conversations we avoid that cause the most damage to our relationships. “Difficult” conversations allow us to create mutual understanding and resolve misunderstandings. If done well, this can foster greater connection.
50. Leaders go first. If we want our children to be appreciative, we must model appreciation. If we want our employees to be innovative, we must model innovation. If we want our family to be kinder, we must model what kindness looks like. If we want a better world, we must lead through our own example. Opinions don’t change the world. Action does.
Pausing to reflect
Sometimes, it may feel like life is taking us on an uncomfortable joy ride where we’re simply hanging on for dear life. (2020-2022 felt like that for me.) This is usually a time for survival, not self-reflection.
But once we’re back on stable ground and have caught our breath, it helps to reflect on what we learned and what we want to create from our new vantage point. That’s where true wisdom is gained…from applying knowledge, not just gathering it.
I hope these insights are helpful to you in your life too! Please share this with a friend, and add your own wisdom in the comments below.
xo Karen
Upcoming training
If you want to learn more life lessons about healthy relationships, I’m excited to announce a brand-new free training called: Empowered Love: Creating healthy, happy relationships! 💖
Here’s what we’ll be covering:
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- Common myths and truths about love
- The differences between healthy and toxic love
- Why good people choose bad partners
- Why it feels like you’re stuck on repeat
- How to empower yourself in love!
Register for this all-new training here!
Resources
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