“The greatest glory in living lies not in never falling, but in rising every time we fall.” — Nelson Mandela
Most of the women I work with are successful in many areas of life – like career, parenting, friendships – but have repeatedly failed in love.
And I get it if you don’t like the word “failure” – but the truth is, that’s how it feels.
It feels like you should have succeeded in love by now. It feels like you know what you want…but you just can’t seem to find it.
And after repeated relationships that don’t work out…you probably feel like you must be doing something wrong. Or worse, that there must be something wrong with you.
What I’d like to share with you today after two decades of research into what makes relationships work and 12 years of professional experience coaching single women, there isn’t something wrong with you. (Phew!)
But…
You likely are doing some things wrong. (Doh!)
And…
It’s not your fault. (Phew again!)
Unless you keep repeating the pattern. (Doh again!)
There are 3 main reasons why you’ve struggled in your relationships…
1. Your childhood conditioning has led you to make poor choices.
If any of the following were true for you as a child, it is quite likely that you have unmet needs and behaviours that are negatively impacting your adult relationships:
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- Your parents fought a lot and/or divorced.
- A parent or sibling became ill or died.
- One (or both) parents worked a lot and/or were away from home a lot.
- One (or both) parents had mental health or addiction issues.
- One (or both) parents were abusive and/or neglectful.
- You had too much responsibility (for doing chores, caring for siblings, working).
- You moved a lot as a child and/or changed schools frequently.
- You were bullied at home or in school.
- You didn’t fit in with your peers…you struggled with shyness, self-esteem, body image issues, cultural differences, or a physical/mental/learning disability.
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This isn’t about blaming your parents/caregivers. But the reality is, if you didn’t get your needs for love, affection, attention, emotional connection, quality time, safety and security met as a child, it will cause you to show up in your adult relationships like a needy child, desperate to get those needs met.
Your inner child will make impulsive choices that don’t serve you, and will act out in conflict situations. Long story short, the child in you is driving the bus of your relationships, not the adult.
2. You are missing key skills to create and maintain a healthy, happy relationship.
Let’s be honest here and acknowledge that most people do not know how to create and maintain a healthy, happy relationship. (If they did, they’d already be doing it.)
Why? Because many of us didn’t have examples of healthy, empowered relationships at home, and this wasn’t taught as a subject in school (unfortunately…would have been more helpful to most people than calculus).
So how do we expect to know how to be successful in love if no one has taught us how?
3. Your beliefs about love are getting in the way of what you want.
Lastly, between childhood conditioning and failed relationships, you likely have subconscious beliefs that are keeping you from getting what you want.
Do you find yourself thinking any of the following?
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- Relationships are hard.
- Love never lasts.
- I can’t trust people to not hurt me.
- I’m not good enough / loveable.
- I am broken / damaged goods.
- Things never work out for me.
- I can’t find / have what I want.
- Guys are jerks / only want sex / never commit.
- I’m better off alone.
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If so, you have limiting beliefs blocking you.
Creating a new love story…
“Healing takes time, and asking for help is a courageous step.” — Mariska Hargitay
So what now?
Once you know why your relationships keep failing, you can get the support you need and do the work to change things.
What happened in the past may not have been your fault, but your healing is your responsibility…
because no one can do that for you.
Thankfully, you don’t have to spend decades figuring this out alone!
If you’d like to know more about how I help my clients heal their past, shift their beliefs and succeed in their relationships, I invite you to join me for my upcoming free private training: Heartbreak to Soulmate: How to thrive as a confident single woman and attract a great partner.
Heartbreak to Soulmate is an exclusive training only for women in my community. It’s a deep dive into how I help women become truly empowered…in both life and love. Learn more and register here
Wishing you all the love you can handle…
xo Karen
Your coaching touches me in ways I didnt know I was needing to look at, thank you!
I did sign up for your free training tonight but I have a birthday party to attend tonight so I’m hoping to see the recording..?