“You may be deceived if you trust too much, but you will live in torment if you do not trust enough.” —Frank Crane
Making choices in love can be one of the hardest decisions in our lives, especially if past experiences have left us feeling hurt and fearful. If you’ve found yourself in unhealthy relationships before, it’s completely normal to question your judgment when it comes to choosing a new partner.
But here’s the good news: you can learn to trust yourself again.
People often say they fear entering a new relationship because they don’t trust anyone anymore. But the truth is, before we can trust someone else, we must first trust ourselves. So let’s explore how to cultivate self-trust and make empowered decisions in your romantic life.
Note: This is part of a 3-part series on trust. In previous weeks, we talked about knowing who to trust and creating trust & safety in a relationship.
10 tips for trusting your decisions in love
“Trust your instincts. Intuition doesn’t come from the mind; it comes from the heart.” —Anonymous
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- Reflect on your journey
Understanding where you’ve been is the first step toward where you want to go. Take time to reflect on your past relationships. What patterns do you notice? What were the warning signs you overlooked? Acknowledging your experiences, without judgment, can help you identify what you truly want in a partner, and what needs to change. Remember, every mistake is an opportunity for growth.
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- Practice self-compassion
It’s easy to be hard on ourselves after making choices we regret. But self-compassion is a powerful antidote to frustration and discouragement. Treat yourself with the same kindness you would offer a friend. Acknowledge your feelings of sadness, frustration, fear and self-doubt without shaming yourself for having them. Remember, you’re human, and part of being human is learning through experience.
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- Seek support
It’s hard to navigate the complexities of love alone. There may be subconscious patterns underlying your choices that you cannot currently see. If you need help identifying your patterns, check out my Cracking the Code to Lasting Love self-assessment. If you think you may be interested in professional coaching support, you may book a complimentary Love Breakthrough Session here.
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- Reconnect with what you want (and don’t want)
Take time to reflect on your values, desires, and boundaries. What are your deal-breakers? What do you value most in a relationship? Is it honesty, respect, empathy, or laughter? What do you need in a relationship to feel safe and valued? Write down what you want (and don’t want) and use this as a compass for future relationships. When you know what truly matters to you, it becomes easier to recognize when someone aligns with those values—and when they don’t.
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- Establish healthy boundaries
Boundaries are essential for creating safe spaces in relationships. Clearly define what you need to feel safe, secure and respected. Communicate these boundaries to potential partners early on. When you prioritize your safety needs, you signal to yourself—and to others—that you deserve a healthy, respectful relationship.
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- Embrace vulnerability
Choosing to open your heart again after experiencing pain takes immense courage. Embrace vulnerability as a strength, not a weakness. It’s through vulnerability that we form deep connections. Allow yourself to be seen, flaws and all, and recognize that being open leads to authentic relationships.
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- Take your time
In today’s fast-paced world, there’s often pressure to rush into relationships. Resist that urge. Take your time to really get to know someone before diving in. The right person will appreciate your desire for a thoughtful approach. Remember, true connection grows gradually, not overnight.
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- Listen to your intuition
Your intuition is a valuable guide. Often, our gut feelings can sense things that our conscious mind might overlook. Pay attention to your initial feelings when you meet someone new. If something feels off, don’t dismiss it. Trusting your instincts can help protect you from repeating past mistakes.
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- Learn to let go of perfectionism
The fear of making another mistake can lead to paralysis by analysis. Remember, there’s no such thing as a perfect partner or a perfect relationship. Embrace the idea that every relationship will have its challenges. What matters is how you navigate those challenges together.
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- Celebrate your progress
As you embark on this journey of self-trust, celebrate every small victory. Each step you take toward making empowered choices is a testament to your growth. Acknowledge your progress, and remind yourself that you can choose wisely.
Building faith in yourself
“Intuition is seeing with the soul.” —Dean Koontz
Trusting yourself to make better decisions in love is a journey, not a destination. It requires patience, self-reflection, and a willingness to be vulnerable and try again. By reconnecting with what you want, taking your time, and listening to your intuition, you can build the confidence needed to choose a partner who truly aligns with your best self.
When you begin to trust yourself to make better decisions, set boundaries, and exit the wrong relationships, you will be able to trust others again too. Remember, it starts with you!
And every step you take will lead you to your happy love story—a story of a love that is healthy, fulfilling, and deeply rewarding. Because you deserve it!
xo Karen
Resources
See also:
Share your ideas
What has allowed you to trust yourself more? Please share…
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